Day 3,446 in the Nanny June Care Home

The one with a hard pill to swallow.

Another phone call from the care home today, Nanny June is increasingly defiant and non compliant. There are issues now with taking her medication.

She’s always been her own person and if you pushed back at Nanny June, she pushed back harder.

I try to make this clear to the care home each time I speak to them. I constantly remind them that they are dealing with a personality trait as well as dementia. This is of course not to demonise any negative personality traits, I think quite the opposite in fact - this personality trait has served Nanny June very well on a number of occasions. It is to remind the care home that they are dealing with a strong independent woman who is not just being awkward from dementia... although as they pointed out and I wholeheartedly agree - her ability to rationalise her decision making and accept that there is a reason behind any actions is now lessening to a significant degree.

So we have some medication that Nanny June has been on a long time. It manages her thyroid and without it she will get quite sick and could even die. They have spoken to the doctor, two doctors even but they need my consent. So do I consent to the ‘covert’ giving of the tablets.

Excusemewhatnow?

I know exactly what covert giving is. It’s the hiding of tablets so she doesn’t know they are there. This was a courtesy call to obtain permission so they don’t break any laws or violate any personal liberties.

But hold on a minute.

I do not consent.

No.

Not without seeing her first and going over a few basics.

Last time I saw her, her nails weren’t done, her hair wasn’t done, her teeth weren’t in, the clothes didn’t fit, she didn’t have a tissue (an item which has become really important to her and brings her security, don’t ask, it’s dementia and she doesn’t want a snotty nose - I don’t care why but she should have access to one and the care assistant who still has to supervise the visit wouldn’t leave us for two minutes to get one).

A few weeks ago I had another phone call. Nanny June had been very distressed that morning. She woke up early, she was wet and disoriented. She had become aggressive. They didn’t mean to ring me they meant to ring her sister. Wasn’t I her sister? asked the nurse. Didn’t you ring earlier?

They said she had since calmed down and had a sleep.

In the novel Gulliver’s Travels, Gulliver is washed up after a shipwreck and finds himself on an island and becomes a prisoner of the tiny people of Lilliput. At first, the Lilliputians are kind to Gulliver, but they are also fearful of the threat that his size poses to them. I remember reading a copy of this book when I was child. It had an illustration of Gulliver flat on his back with hundreds of ropes thrown over him and each end tethered to a peg that was being hammered into the ground by the angry people of Lilliput. I found this image so powerful. He was trapped by fear. He was trapped by something outside of himself. He was trapped by the actions and unkindness of others. He was stronger than one little person from Lilliput but not all of them. He could not free himself from so many ties but one small rope would have been easily ripped free without effort. He was struggling so hard in the illustration and the people of Lilliput were so angry. I could not read any more of the book after that.

I tried to make an appointment to see Nanny June this week but it is a Sunday and I need to speak to the office staff to arrange a visit and Covid still looms large on all such arrangements. I have insisted I will see Nanny June before making a decision about the covert giving of medication.

I suggested until then, they try making Nanny June feel better about herself and tell her how great she looks. Do her hair, do her nails, put her in some nice clothes, if there is no reason her teeth weren’t in (if her mouth isn’t sore or if she hasn’t lost so much weight they still fit) then please put her teeth in. And then tell her how great she looks, say that she looks lovely. Make her feel good. We do tell our residents they look nice, came the response. Which they do. I know they do, I have heard them many times complimenting residents. But this isn’t about flattery. This is about getting her to a good place in herself. When we feel good about ourselves then the world seems to work differently. Even when you have dementia.

So we shall see. If we need to save her life by hiding tablets then so be it. But if we need to save her life by taking a different approach then let’s try that instead. At least while we have the option.

So here is a photo of Nanny June looking fabulous. As a reminder to the universe that she really cared about herself and her appearance and that maybe the universe can give a spoonful of sugar back to her and help the medicine go down.