Day 3,597 in the Nanny June Care Home

The One with the Not Knowing What To Do (with The Grim Reaper)

I cried with Nanny June today.

Well… sort of more cried at her. She didn’t do any crying. She didn’t do anything at all really. She slept mostly, after a vague attempt to focus on my face which was a few inches from her nose.

I tried to hold her hand and she moved her own hand away in a sort of slow motion snatching movement.

Then she blocked out my face by closing her eyes.

But I needed her today.

I went to ask her opinion.

I took lilies even though they are the flower of death. We are staring down the barrel of mortality on a daily basis.

It’s the new normal.

The Grim Reaper and I taking it in turns to visit. So lilies seemed a good choice. The Grim Reaper will appreciate them even if Nanny June doesn’t; as he sits there next to her listening to the inflating and deflating mattress, tapping his watch and watching the benign daytime tv which incessantly fills the room.

She didn’t give me an opinion, even though I asked her through tears what I should do.

All I could hear in my head was her saying “don’t listen to your bloody father”. Which is easy because he’s not around to ask either.

“I need to make a decision” I told her. And somewhere I heard her say “I’m sure you’ll make the right one”.