Day 3,578 in the Nanny June Care Home

The One with The Extra Mother’s Day

“I don’t know what to say” said the care home manager. “We can only put it down to the dementia now being so advanced she lets us care for her.”

So as a result of being compliantly cared for so well, Nanny June still lives.

This time last year I was convinced it was Nanny June’s last Mother’s Day.

I stood staring at all the Mother’s Day cards thinking this is the last one I will ever buy. And a very real and overwhelming grief took over my heart.

And this year I found myself in the same shop, in the same aisle, buying Nanny June’s last Mother’s Day card. Again.

I naturally laboured and delivered my babies pretty quickly and had a few comments over the years about how lucky I was. It is a blessing time wise but it’s a lot to happen in a short time and you have a baby in your arms before you really get your head around the fact the baby is on its way and you also feel like you have been hit by a bus - but then that is probably just how you feel after having a baby however long it takes.

I think dying has no better or worse ways. “At least it was quick” and “they wouldn’t have known about it” doesn’t always make it easier for the ones who love them. No one gets to say goodbye.

Watching someone dying over a long period of time really is one of the most emotionally exhausting journeys and usually means there’s a third party level of care involved. The dying process starts to rely on the success of staying alive.

The care home manager also said “I am so sorry, because of the grief and the grieving and the preparing involved”.

Then Nanny June got a bit better.

I worry people tire of being kind. So thank you to everyone who asks and who cares. It’s been a long journey. Nanny June and I limp towards the finish line with lots of lovely people cheering(?!) us along.

And if you have lived through this marathon in the past, or are half way through and don’t know how to carry on, or the starting pistol is just still ringing in your ears - even if this was a false start for you and you have happily been disqualified this time - then know you are not alone in it all either. And if you didn’t get a marathon and as soon as the race started it was over and you didn’t get time to get your head around it before it was finished. I see you too x