Day 3,640 in the Nanny June Care Home

The One With Some Extra Emotional Challenges

9:25am Arrive

9:27am Gel hands

9:30am Fill out form

9:35am Take LFT

9:40am Answer screening questions

9:45am Temperature check

9:46am Start Care Plan Review on bench outside reception. It was dry and sunny and in a temperature of around 5 degrees, so it could have been worse.

10:05am End Care Plan Review meeting

10:07am NHS text message arrives confirming negative LFT

10:07am-9:10am Put on PPE

10:10am Start 15 minute visit

10:25am End visit

Last time I saw her it went badly, she was furious with me and stormed off slowly. Twice. Clearly disgusted at the sound of my voice. That visit was the first chance I had been given to hold her hand or hug her since March 2019 - but she simply hated me being there. But that was when I was allowed in her room on a 'compassionate visit'. The rules have changed. I am back in a communal space with limited contact.

Nanny June is lucid. She is in a good place say the care home.

But today she was angry with me again.

Refusing to make eye contact with me.

Refusing to speak to me.

“Are you not talking to me today then?”

“I don’t think so.”

Lucid. Aware. Angry.

Even the care home staff were surprised how angry she was.

Does she think it is my fault she is in a home? Is she angry at me for something I did twenty years ago? Does she know she went a long time without seeing me because of Covid and is angry about that? Who knows.

I just know that this takes an enormous amount of emotional energy before I ring to book the visit, then again to go through the Covid checks we are all so fatigued with. So before I even walk in the room this is very, very hard.

The staff are kind about it all and a bit awkward. I pretend it doesn't matter and I tell Nanny June I love her lots and say goodbye and she scowls to herself as she leaves the room.

10:26am Take off the PPE

10:27am Gel my hands

10:30am Get back to the car and wait for the tidal wave of emotions to pass.