Day 2,033 (not) in the Nanny June Care Home

The One With The Here And Now.

I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing Nanny June. It’s not the first birthday I haven’t seen her but it’s the first birthday it’s been impossible to see her.

There is Covid-19 at the home but Nanny June remains unaffected. Or uninfected.

My identity is fading for Nanny June, and it seems it will deteriorate even more so without me there to keep our memories alive.

So many people have been missing someone special during lockdown. A grandparent. A parent. Not having your mum, dad, grandma or grandad right there to help you through and tell you everything is going to be ok - because this is tough on them and tough on you.

And it resonates. It REALLY resonates with me.

I read a status that said lockdown has created a sense that the bond between people feels broken. The being distanced from each other, that it’s been so much, for so long.

Now imagine that your person you haven’t been able to see for More than ten weeks... Imagine that when they see you again they won’t even remember who you are.

Because this is the grim, cold, hard truth of living with advanced dementia. This is exactly what it is. This is its very essence.

So flowers and cards for Nanny June today - but no visit. These gifts will sit in her room, unseen and unnoticed and unattached to time or place, let alone a birthday. Least of all her birthday. Not related to me or her.

Our identity, like our lives - has been locked down.